Mencari Sakinah...

Seriously...you don't want to miss this one

2010-11-15T08:44:00.000-08:00

Close to nature experience? checked
Fun-filled, exciting activities? checked
Uplifting, eye-opening sharing? checked
Warm, friendly friends? checked
Simply snug chalet? checked
Catchy theme song? checked

All checked.

Wait no more!

Secure a place for yourself-->register through phone or email.
Pack all your things (don't forget those lovely smiles and spirits!).
Tell all your friends.
We are spreading the love in this sweet summer breeze.

Let's reunite at Jalinan Ukhuwwah 2011: The Reunion!!!

Di saat ia menyerang

2010-11-10T06:31:00.000-08:00

Di saat ia menyerang...
***

Kadang-kadang,
Suara itu datang
bersama bicara muslihat yang jahat
Menggetarkan langkah kaki yang dididik agar tak pernah berhenti
Mengorak langkah meskipun cuma seinci.

Seringkali,
hati jadi pilu menahan sendu
memendam raungan dan tangisan
menelan pedih luka sengsara
pertarungan hebat antara nafsu dan akalnya.

Hati, jangan sedih lagi,
kerana bersama kepahitan ini ada kemanisan,
yang mampu kau temukan dalam rayuan rindumu pada Tuhan,
pada kehangatan air mata keinsafan,
yang menitis laju bersama embun yang menyaksi
cintamu bertasbih di dinihari.

***
Sedikit perkongsian...

Apakah itu al-futur?
Dari segi bahasa :

1.Terputus atau terhenti sesudah berjalan atau diam sesudah bergerak.

2.Malas; menangguh-nangguh; melengah-lengah sesusah bergerak aktif dan bersungguh-sungguh.

Dari segi istilah :
Tahap al-futur yang paling rendah ialah malas, menangguh-nangguh, melengah-lengahkan dan tahap yang paling tinggi ialah terhenti terus atau diam sesudah bergerak cergas secara berterusan.

Mengubati Al-Futur

1.Menjauhkan diri daripada melakukan maksiat sama ada yang besar mahu pun yang kecil.

2.Berterusan melakukan ibadat harian.

3.Mengintai (mencari kesempatan) waktu-waktu yang afdhal untuk beramal dan melakukan ibadat.

4.Membebaskan diri daripada keterlaluan dalam agama.

5.Meletakkan diri dalam dakapan jamaah.

6.Memberi perhatian kepada sunnatullah yang wujud pada manusia dan alam seluruhnya.

7.Bersedia untuk berhadapan dengan halangan.

8.Meneliti dan bertindak secara sistematik dalam pekerjaan.

9.Sentiasa mendampingi orang-orang yang soleh yang berjihad di kalangan hamba-hamba Allah.

10.Memberi hak kepada tubuh badan.

11.Menghiburkan diri dengan melakukan perkara-perkara yang harus.

12.Sentiasa merujuk dan mengkaji buku-buku Sirah An-Nabawiyyah, sejarah dan biografi pejuang-pejuang di jalan Allah.

13.Sentiasa mengingati mati dan soal kubur.

14.Sentiasa mengingati syurga dan neraka.

15.Sentiasa menghadiri majlis ilmu.

16.Menerima Islam secara keseluruhan.

17.Melakukan muhasabah ke atas diri dan mengkaji setiap masa.

"Wabak Sepanjang Jalan" karangan Dr Al Syed Muhammad Noh

Wassalam.

Kisah Dua Sahabat dan Buah Anggur

2010-05-18T19:40:00.000-07:00

Pada suatu masa dahulu, di sebuah kampung yang subur tanahnya, terdapat sebuah ladang anggur yang dimiliki oleh seorang lelaki. Suatu hari, sahabatnya datang melawatnya di ladang itu. Sahabatnya itu mendekati sebuah pohon anggur yang amat lebat buahnya. Maka pemiliknya itu pun memetik setangkai buah anggur dan mengundang sahabatnya untuk makan. Setelah itu, sahabatnya itu mengucapkan terima kasih sebelum pulang dengan rasa puas.

Semenjak itu, sahabat pemilik ladang ini sering berkunjung ke tempat pemilik anggur itu. Setiap kali kunjungannya, pemilik ladang anggur itu tidak pernah lupa untuk menjamu sahabatnya itu dengan buah anggur hasil tanamannya. Pada hari kesepuluh, isteri pemilik ladang itu berkata kepada suaminya, “Layanan seperti itu mungkin kelihatan kurang sopan terhadap tetamu. Pada pandangan saya, apabila abang mengundang tetamu itu makan dan dia telah makan separuh daripada buah anggur itu, sebaiknya abang turut makan bersamanya. Tetamu itu akan berasa lebih senang hati dengan penghormatan yang abang berikan itu.”

Mendangarkan cadangan isterinya itu, pemilik ladang anggur itu pun bersetuju, “baiklah, esok abang akan lakukan cara itu.”

Keesokan harinya, sahabat itu datang lagi menziarah pemilik ladang anggur dan beliau dijamu dengan buah anggur. Setelah sahabatnya makan separuh daripada buah itu, pemilik ladang anggur itu pun menghulurkan tangannya dan mengambil sebutir buah anggur. Ketika beliau memakannya, buah itu berasa sungguh masam dan tidak enak untuk dimakan. Lalu, ia pun meludahkan apa yang dimakannya sambil mengernyitkan kedua alisnya. Kemudian, beliau menyatakan kehairanannya terhadap kesabaran sahabatnya yang masih mahu memakan buah seperti itu.

Sahabatnya menjawab, “Sesungguhnya, aku telah makan buah ini dari tanganmu selama beberapa hari ini dengan rasa yang sangat manis. Tetapi, apabila aku memakan buah yang masam itu tadi, aku tidak suka untuk memperlihatkan kepadamu rasa tidak suka dengan buah ini, bimbang jika kau akan menyesali pemberianmu yang lalu. “

*Tamat*

Kisah penuh pangajaran untuk mereka yang berukhuwwah.

Tiada seorang pun di sekitarmu yang sentiasa benar dan tidak pernah melakukan kesalahan. Oleh kerana itu, jika ada saudaramu yang sedang berbuat kekeliruan, maka janganlah kekeliruannya itu mendorongmu untuk mendiamkannya, tidak mahu lagi bergaul dengannya, tidak sabar dengannya, dan tidak mahu lagi menghargai dirinya. Bahkan jangan pula kamu mencelanya, melainkan sabarkanlah dirimu dan tahanlah emosimu, dan kamu harus memaafkannya dalam hatimu kerana mengingat kebaikannya yang terdahulu dan perilakunya yang baik dan penghormatannya kepadamu. Kerana barangkali saja dia dapat membantumu untuk bertaubat dan mengajarkan pengetahuan yang dikurniakan Allah kepadanya untuk meberi manfaat kepadamu.

Dipetik dan diadaptasi daripada Muhammad Ahmad ar-Rasyid. (2003). Pelembut Hati. Jakarta: Robbani Press.

man jadda wa jada

2009-08-30T19:37:00.000-07:00

Dapatkan Mesej Bergambar di Sini

Sebuah pengajaran di hari kemerdekaan.

Bangunlah diri, jangan bermimpi lagi...
Berusahalah menagih janji yang pasti.

man jadda wa jada!

Bangkit mengejar syurga...

2009-08-24T23:37:00.000-07:00

Salam.

Moga kita dipertemukan dalam keredhaan Allah dan keberkatan Ramadhan yang mulia. Lama benar tidak menulis. Masih belum saya temui sebabnya, jemari pencari butang huruf di papan kekunci ini seringkali terhenti, lantas bermain-main dengan kuku kerana buntu.

Namun alhamdulillah, diri ini masih diberi kesempatan untuk melakar rasa dalam pencarian sebuah sakinah. Biarpun saat ini hati terasa bagaikan diselubungi awan kelabu. Berat...sebak dan sedih kerana mengenangkan masa yang terasa makin pantas berlalu untuk saya hidup dalam sebuah nikmat, yang saya pohon agar terus ada tak kira di mana pun saya berada. Namun yang pasti, ia takkan serupa. Manakan tidak, bukan semua manusia dikurniakanNya mata yang mengenal antara dosa dengan pahala, anggota tubuh yang tunduk dan patuh dalam menyahut seruan hidayahNya. Sebuah peluang yang teramat berharga kurniaan Sang Pencipta, apabila seorang hamba dipilih untuk diajar bangkit mengejar syurga setelah bergelumang dosa, mendapat kefahaman Islam, lantas mentarbiyyah dalam ditarbiyyah pula...apatah lagi mengecapi kemanisan ukhuwwah seperti yang saya rasai kini.

Alhamdulillah. Untuk terjemahan kepada nikmat ini...

Istimewa buat sahabat perjuangan, kesetiaan tak berbelah bahagi.

Rindu ini memburu kenangan lalu
Di saat kita baru sahaja bangkit dari lena yang lama
Bersama bertatih, berkongsi erti letih
Terkadang jatuh dek tak terdaya menongkah
arus jahiliyyah sepanjang hijrah yang payah.

Kita membesar bersama masa
yang kemudian menuntut kita berlari
Mengharungi hujan ujian
Mencari teduhan rahmat Tuhan
Daripada petir tohmahan yang menggerunkan.

Dalam ketakutan itu
Tanganmulah yang membalut tubuh ini
Menenangkanku dengan kalam Ilahi
rangkaian janji manis yang pasti.

Kemudian hujan pun berhenti
Untuk kita kecapi indahnya pelangi
Mensyukuri sebuah nikmat teramat hebat
sebuah jalinan akidah terlalu indah
rasa kebersamaan yang utuh di hati
sepertimana sebuah anggota tubuh badan kepada
yang lainnya
melangkaui sempadan apa pun yang membatasi.

Ukhuwwah sesuci ini mengajar hati
Menangisi tembok keegoan yang sukar memaafkan
menelan kepahitan ujian dengan senyuman
Menginsafi perbezaan yang tidak diraikan
lantaran kita dipertemukan
bukan kerana cinta fana dunia
haloba pada harta
mahupun pangkat dan nama
tetapi ikatan hati dan jiwa kita
hanya akidah sebagai dasarnya…
kerana inginkan cintaNya.

Hakikatnya kita hanya punya iman
Sebagai oasis di kala kekeringan
bekal dan teman sepanjang jalan.

Maka yakinlah saudaraku, yang secara bertulis
aku akui mahu kucintai melebihi cintaku pada diri,
bahawa hujan akan turun lagi bersama petir
tapi sekadar untuk membuat kita berada lebih dekat
dalam erat dakapan persaudaraan
sebuah manifestasi kemanisan iman
kebesaran rahmat Tuhan.

Sinar Ogos 2009

Kerana ukhuwwah ini fillah,
Nurul Wafa'

Mati

2009-03-24T21:42:00.000-07:00

Mati - Hijjaz

Sampailah waktu ajalkan datang
Malaikat maut segera menjelang
Dicabut nyawa tiada terbilang
Sakit terasa bukan kepalang

Mati itu terlalu sakit
Di dalam kubur terlalu sempit
Ular dan kala datang menggigit
Papan dan bumi pula menghimpit

Masuklah mayat ke dalam bumi
Munkar dan Nakir tanyakan diri
Tiada terjawab amalan sendiri
Dipukul malaikat ke dasar bumi

Setelah di kubur baru menyesal
Teringat diri membuat dosa
Teringat diri tiada beramal
Tak mungkin lagi pulang ke dunia

Mati itu terlalu lazat
Bagi syuhada' di medan jihad
Olehlah itu wahai sahabat
Iman di dada perlu ditingkat

(Dari liriknasyid.com)

Di saat nikmat dunia mula mempesona
Cinta fana hadir menggoda
Kilauan harta mencipta haloba
Tawa dan senda tak mengenal air mata..
Sedarlah wahai diri,
Bahawa mati itu pasti, walaupun manusia cuba memungkiri...
Dan akhirat adalah hakikat, yang menuntut hak segala nikmat...
Takutlah...
Dengan takut yang teramat
kerana kiamat sudah dekat,
dan mati?
...lebih dari itu.

Menjadi Sang Pembina

2008-11-05T15:50:00.000-08:00

Ikrar Sang Murobbi,

"Seonggok kemanusiaan terkapar
Siapa yang mengaku bertanggungjawab?
Bila semua menghindar, biarlah saya yang menanggungnya
Semua atau sebahagiannya"

Aku telah melihat sendiri warna jahiliyah di bumi asing ini. Kali ini ia tidak lagi kelabu...tetapi amat hitam. Tetapi, masih ramai yang membiarkan warna itu terus menyaluti hati, sehinggakan semakin samar penglihatan mereka terhadap kesucian agama ini. Lantas dikejarlah keindahan fatamorgana dunia. Bersama bin dan binti di hujung nama, keseronokan diburu. Mencari-cari peluang baru. Peluang merasakan sendiri kebebasan tanpa batasan. Tiada lagi pandangan-pandangan serong masyarakat seiman, tak perlu lagi silu dan segan. ..

Sedangkan dalam hatinya sendiri, iman mengetuk bertalu-talu.
Berhentilah, berhentilah!
Namun tidak diendahkan semua itu.
Lalu disahut seruan nafsu.
Berulangkali ia terjadi, sehingga suatu hari,
hati itu tak berkata apa lagi.
Perlahan, ia menyepi...kemudian mati.

nauzubillah...

***

Demi kalimah yang hak

Semua itu kita tanggung bersama.

Maka jadikanlah aku Sang Pembina.

Menyusuri satu-satunya jalan yang ada, menuju Dia.

Perit dan pahit, itu pasti...biarpun aku sendiri belum pernah mengerti walau secebis pun dari kepayahan itu.

Namun, bukankah Allah telah membeli dari orang mukmin seluruh harta dan jiwa mereka dengan memberikan syurga buat mereka? (9: 111)

Maka jadikanlah aku Sang Pembina.

Seorang daripada mereka yang didatangkan oleh Allah, Dia mencintai mereka dan mereka pun mencintaiNya, dan bersikap lemah lembut terhadap orang-orang yang beriman, tetapi bersikap keras terhadap orang-orang kafir, yang berjihad di jalan Allah, dan yang tidak takut kepada celaan orang yang suka mencela (5: 54).

Aku mahu menjadi Sang Pembina
kerana adalah kewajipanku sebagai seorang hamba,
Untuk kemuliaan tanggungjawabnya,
dan demi kelazatan susah yang inginku nikmati bersama.

Aku mahu menjadi Sang Pembina
bukan sekadar pemerhati gerhana.

Dunia Yang Sepi

2008-10-30T04:40:00.000-07:00

Dunia Yang Sepi - Hijjaz

Alangkah susah mendapat kawan

Bukan kenalan di zaman ini

Berpunca dari hati yang rosak

Kerana dunia memautnya

Alangkah susah mencari kawan
Kebaikan kita disoroknya

Bahkan didengkinya pula

Kejahatan dicanang merata

Salah yang sikit dibesarkan

Yang besar apatah lagi

Alangkah sepi dunia ini

Walaupun hidup di tengah ramai

Kerana kawan tiada lagi

Yang ada hanyalah di jalanan

Kerana kawan tiada lagi
Yang ada hanya di jalanan...

Dalam kegersangan erti pada nama persahabatan
Moga aku dipertemukan dengan kesuburan ukhuwwah
Dengan mereka;

yang membuatku lebih dekat pada Tuhan,
lebih taat pada ajaran dan
lebih cinta akan akhirat.

Mereka yang bertemu dan berpisah kerana Allah,
kerana tiada lain yang mengikatnya melainkan aqidah.
Mereka yang tabah mengharungi kepahitan dalam perjuangan,
demi kemanisan syurga idaman.
Mereka yang bersama-sama ingin menjadi orang yang beruntung,
biarpun keinginan itu menjadikan mereka asing.

Doa rabitah buat kalian.
Semoga tsabat.

What's in a name?

2008-10-25T04:15:00.000-07:00

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet."

Says Juliet.
Hmm...
While a name might be just an artificial and meaningless convention to some, I finally decided to give a new name to my blog. It seems more relevant to me that a name, instead of being just a set of letters,represents or at least can lead to representing what it wants to represent.

I have many names. About which I am not able to explain clearly. Nurul Saqinah, the light of tranquility. Many people didn't get the unique spelling of saqinah, because a more acceptable way of spelling it would be sakinah. i never thought it matters anyway, until one day when i was in sekolah agama, my ustazah insisted me on spelling saqinah with the letter qaf instead of kaf, saying that the q in my name is pronounced as qaf. I just followed what my parents taught me; spelling with kaf. The teacher then added that spelling with qaf wouldn't mean anything, but since my name has q i should write it as qaf. I was taken aback for a moment, seeing how a small difference can bring such a big difference. From something to nothing, imagine that!

And later that evening, when my parents arrived home from work, i brought up the issue of 'saqinah' to them, only to find my mum giving my dad her wifely look, silently speaking; i've told yah!!
And that was because it was my dad who named me. so i seek for his explanation..which turned out to be.."eja ngan q unik sikit la..haa.."
haaa..?Ooo..
Then, it came to my mind that probably the spelling doesn't matter as much as the pronunciation because what people say to you is like a du'a. So i reminded my friends, even though my name is spelled with q, they don't have to worry about pronouncing the q as q.Just pronounce it as k.
and they conveniently called me Kinah.

As I grew up,I got the name chicky. If my memory doesn't fail me, one of my friends started calling me chicky because of the kfc chick chick song which was sung by me out of so-called depression. That depression version had a squeaky ending; at the word chicky, and made the whole class burst out laughing.So one person started calling me chicky, many others followed, obviously because chicky was more popular than Saqinah. I seemed to like the popularity at that time so it didn't bother me so much.

After SPM, that thought of names and their meaning came back to me. So i decided to wear my own name again. So i got into IPBA,I introduced myself as Nurul. but not long after that, i found out that my ex-school mate was there and she started calling me chicky in front of everybody.And...It's chicky again.

As for now, i would introduce myself with my real name, and then tell the person I am also known as chicky,so don't get confused or anything. This whole name thing seems to be never-ending, and most of the time I am just too busy to be worrying sick about it. I am happy to be called saqinah,because that's what all my teachers call me and hearing that name never fails to alert me, it's some kind of a self-consciousness device.hehe. but it doesn't sound as nice when it's shortened.
Chicky makes me feel cheeky sometimes. I am not trying to be someone who does things and after that put the blame on others, no. But sometimes being Chicky makes me feel more accepted for any imperfection. Mysteriously, it does.
And lastly Nurul. I like people calling me Nurul. It's what my family calls me and i don't have any problems giving that privilege to others. It's just that, the name is far too common to be remembered and i don't really appreciate the expression people would make when they hear such a common name. Especially when in class, one of the lecturers actually said Nurul is a Malaysian name, claiming she has met many Nuruls before. Despite feeling not special,I accept the commonality of the name that sometimes makes it hard for others to remember.

I am not sure how to conclude this post because seriously i don't really know the end of all these. The first point I was trying to make was about the reason i changed my blog's name. Because the intention of blogging is now new,I believe having a new name reflective of that would be a great thing to do.With His permission, InshaAllah.
Probably, the best conclusion would be, be it Nurul, saqinah or Chicky, I would still be as sweet, strong and happy me.
And that one also, ameen, inshaAllah =)

Sebelum Syawal Menjelma...

2008-09-28T19:45:00.000-07:00

Ramadhan...
satu nasib tak serupa
peluangnya sama
natijah berbeza.

Ramadhan mereka gemilang cemerlang
mukmin berjasa di awal Ramadhan
Ramadhan kami parah terbuang
muslim berdosa di akhir zaman.

Mereka gembira dengan kedatanganmu
kami gembira dengan pemergianmu.

Malam mereka disimbah nur al-Quran
malam kami muram berkabung dengkur.

Mereka berlumba mengejar mahmudah,
tapi kami alpa didera dosa.

Hati mereka bercahaya digilap taqwa
jiwa kami lesu diburu nafsu.

Takbir mereka takbir kemenangan
hadiah mujahadah sebulan ramadhan
takbir kami lesu tak bermaya
tanda kalah lemah tak berdaya
puasa sekadar lapar dan dahaga...

Ramadhan Dua Zaman by The Zikr

Pasrahku melihat kembali
malam-malam terakhir Ramadhanku
apakah telah kulalui dengan rayuan rindu dan tangisan keinsafan
ataukah dihidupkan dengan urusan duniawi yang tak pernah tidak menyibukkan...
Istighfarku di situ...
Cuba mengumpul kembali semangat Ramadhan
Agar setiap detiknya yang berlalu sempat diraikan selayaknya
Sebelum Syawal menjelma...

Dan Aidilfitriku,
apakah hadirmu nanti sebagai hadiah kemenangan perjuangan melawan nafsu..
atau sekadar suatu hari di bulan baru,
untukku menggayakan baju kurung baru buatan ibu,
dan menjamah juadah, kuih-muih tradisi melayu?

Semoga Allah menerima amalan Ramadhanku dan kalian. Salam aidilfitri, minal aidil wal faizin.

Attention Teachers!

2008-09-20T19:35:00.000-07:00

This is a wake up call: a letter to the editor in NST. Please read and reflect.

Don’t Judge Before 2020

The UPSI study on the teaching of Science and Mathematics seems to have generated much debate and discussion on the policy. Many readers and educators have raised some pertinent points regarding the issue. I too would like to highlight here some related points that may need to be considered in the deliberation of the issue.

The first point concerns the nature of language learning. Linguists and child psychologists tell us that children are born with the innate capacity for language learning which they call the Language Acquisition Device (LAD). This device begins to operate at around two years of age when children start thinking and speaking in a human language. Between the ages of two and seven the device is most active and children literally soak up whatever language they are exposed to. At this stage if children are constantly exposed to even two or more languages, they will still be able to accommodate those languages. If you read the background of those proficient in multiple languages, most of them were exposed to the various languages at a very early age. As they get older the device (LAD) becomes less and less active and by the time they reach adulthood it tapers off at a relatively low level. This explains why children learn a new language a lot faster than adults.

This brings me to the second point. Children in the lower primary classes should have minimal difficulty in learning Science and Mathematics in a new language be it English, Spanish, Japanese or any other language. They have the capacity to pick up the language fast - including the grammar, syntax, and the nuances of the language if the teachers are using the language effectively. The large number of Malay and Indian pupils in the Chinese vernacular schools who speak and express themselves in Mandarin with the same proficiency as their Chinese classmates only proves this point. Therefore to say that pupils are not doing well in Science and Mathematics because of their weakness in English is a rather superficial inference; even in Bahasa Malaysia they could still be weak in those subjects. The pupils have often been cited as the reason for wanting to reverse the policy but that amounts to barking up the wrong tree. The real problem actually lies with the teachers!!!

Some quarters have called for the increase of English Language lessons in the classroom. At the present a child who finishes eleven years of school (Standard One to Form Five), would have had about 1300 hours of English Language lessons. Yet many students in the east coast town where I live, after all those hours of learning English, are unable to even string a simple sentence in English free of grammatical or syntax errors. I do not believe that increasing the hours of English Language lessons in the classroom will be of much help. It would only present additional logistic problems for the schools and overwork the students and teachers.

Another aspect of language learning that begs consideration is the fact that any language needs to be learnt in an environment or context that promotes its use; it would be difficult to learn a language in isolation. For most rural children the environment does not exist but a subject(s) learnt in the language offers a context. It can be any subject (History, Geography, etc.) but the policy makers were prudent and pragmatic in choosing Science, Mathematics and the Technology subjects. For school children, Science and Mathematics offer the context; the pupils have the opportunity for meaningful interaction with the language as they learn the subject content. Linguists realise that language is ‘more caught than taught’. In learning Science and Mathematics in English, pupils have far more opportunities to ‘catch’ the language.

Probably the greatest challenge in the implementation of the policy lies with the teachers. As it is, a large proportion of English Language teachers are not proficient enough in the language, making frequent errors in grammar, syntax, spelling and pronunciation (your children in school will confirm this). What more with Science and Mathematics teachers? There is always the temptation to resort to Bahasa Malaysia and that is what many of them are doing – depriving the pupils of the opportunity to learn the subjects in English. To improve on the situation, we must start with the teachers. With the teachers already in the service, regular in-service language courses and motivation programmes will be necessary; I believe these are already in practice. Our main concern now should be the 2000 or so Science, Mathematics and English teachers who enter the service every year. The selection process for admission into the teacher training programmes should be more stringent – selecting those who are already quite proficient in English. In that way the newer teachers entering the service do not need to struggle with the language.

Finally, we must remember that it took a whole generation (about 35 years) to bring about the plunge in English Language standards in the country. It will probably take at least another generation to elevate the standards again to a desirable level. To expect significant results only after six years is being rather naïve. I would think that twenty years is a reasonable amount of time to see some desired results. Language learning is such that it takes many years to reach a reasonable level of proficiency. We need to be patient. We need to wait for the present generation of teachers to be gradually replaced by teachers who are more comfortable with the English Language. Can we wait until 2020 to pronounce any judgement on the policy?

W.S.

Kuala Terengganu

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Name: Wrutheran Sinnadurai

Address: 4 Jalan Taman Jaya 2/1

20400 Kuala Terengganu

Tel No.: 019-9363436

(I am a retired Science lecturer from Institut Perguruan Kuala Terengganu. I taught Science and Mathematics for ten years before joining the teachers college where I served for 22 years first as a Maths lecturer and then as Head of Science Department)

The article was forwarded by Jo Carr, our caring coordinator in QUT. Thanks Jo for sharing. I think it's a thought-provoking piece of writing, highly relevant to us as the supposedly 'teachers who are more comfortable with the English Language' that will gradually replace the present teachers. I had the chance to observe a number of English and Maths lessons in a reputable primary school with an elite population in Kuala Lumpur and my observation seems to be in agreement with what W.S. points out in his letter to the editor.
In a classroom where students are more proficient than teachers, classroom management becomes a daunting challenge. I could see some students (in a Year One classroom) were frowning and showing other signs of frustration when the teacher's teaching. One reason for that is apparently the teacher's proficiency in English.
One male teacher from the school told me that he prefers teaching in his previous school (which is a rural school) because the students there are more polite and that makes him feel more important to the students.And when asked what the students in his present school do that makes him feel so, he said, the students always correct his grammar and spelling mistakes.Hmm...

Reading the article has somehow triggered the same feeling that I had when observing the school. That, consequently, motivates me to prepare myself to become a highly proficient English teacher in order to live up to the expectations of the nation. And of course, one main reason to be doing that is the responsibility that we have agreed to carry the moment we signed the contract with our government.
Yet, after 7 months of exposing ourselves to and probably embracing the new culture and lifestyle(be it good or bad), I am afraid that some of us might have forgotten the priority that tops their to-do list in here. This does not only apply to the working mates, but also to those whose lives are solely about lectures and tutorials.
So thanks Jo, I really hope this article has the same impact on others as it has on me. For once I realise, it's hard to be what we are supposed to be when none of the minutes is spent for thinking and reflecting about who we are. Even though we are in Australia, i'm sure we are certainly not koalas..so stop lazing around.

So who are we? What do we do?
Ijazah for Risalah...a practising muslim knows not only religious issues. If having good English language proficiency is a responsibility, and especially when the ability provides a broader range of means for expressing ourselves and our beliefs, there's no excuse then to not strive for it and achieve it.

O man! Verily, you are returning towards your Lord with your deeds and actions (good or bad), a sure returning, so you will meet (i.e. the results of your deeds which you did) (84:6).

To end this heartfelt reminder, allow me to advise my own self and everyone in a more direct way by saying,

Belajarlah...jangan malas.

Ramadhan 1429H

2008-09-02T20:58:00.000-07:00

O you who believe! Observing As-Saum (the fasting) is prescribed for you as it was prescribed for those before you, that you may become Al-Muttaqûn (2:183).

Ramadhan...17 days of fasting so far, and the days are nothing but different from my fasting experience before. Not only because I am away from home this time...but what I have had here so far made me recall all the Ramadhans before as principally the time of no eating and drinking during the day and performing terawih prayer at night. It was also the time for more hours of siesta and when it's time for breakfasting, the fiesta began. Friends gathered and shared the food bought at the bazar. The happiest moment, I would say. After more than 13 hours of the battle against pangs of hunger, the long-waited food tasting session finally arrived. The munching time was then flavoured with useful sharing of info: which stall sells the best murtabak, nasi lemak that has the hottest sambal, the yummiest kuih pelita, which makcik gives more rice, and so on..
And terawih prayer was my rare choice of night activity. Reasons? Assignments, too tired, too full...? When there's no will, then no way! Rite...But there were also things that people do to respect and celebrate Ramadhan. Attempt to finish reading the whole Quran in a month, organise iftar jamai'e, give money for charity, and what I could see among girls, gossiping would temporarily be frowned upon. Like, "Eei, bulan puasa pun mengumpat. Tak baikla!"

It was such a wonderful sight. In the month when the devils are chained, committing sins might as well mean you are the devil; inducing yourself to commit wrongdoings. Everyone is no devil, so they behave like one. But the pure Ramadhan resolution was, I fear, struggling to live. Ramadhan couldn't enjoy its spotlight for any longer than a week because after that, the spirit of Ramadhan starts to live in the spirit of Syawal. With the textiles stores filling in advertisement slots in TV, distribution of kuih raya sample in the office, staff room etc., ubiquitous posters/big tree of pelita, children playing bunga api, and adults 'salaming each other', I bet some people couldn't help but wish Raya is as near as tomorrow.

Probably, as one would argue, there's nothing wrong with that because Eid is a celebration for the battle we've won.But 'the battle'? What is a battle without its enemy? And is it even relevant to describe 'the battle' as what we've won while the enemy that should be defeated has instead be made friends with? Now, if you're seeing clouds, what am trying to picture here is how most Muslims (it's not good to generalize), particularly in Malaysia, are acting as Muslims in the beginning of Ramadhan (hopefully) before turning out to become culturally confused Muslims. With all the celebration in and after the month of barakah, it's so hard to develop taqwa. Not to mention, to walk in the shoes of the poor and our suffering brothers and sisters.

To talk about my experience, the first time fasting without family is at first, tragic. I kept on feeling like there'll be my mum waking me up for sahur and all I have to do are just washing my face, finishing what's on the plate, perform the Subuh prayer and go back to sleep.
Fasting with friends, a calling system has been set up. As for sahur, I normally eat the iftar's leftover or if there's none, a cup of hot chocolate drink with biscuits will do. The simplest meal so far, two glasses of tap water (due to the time-constraint =p) hehe. Thinking about how my mum sleeps late at night to cook for the whole family so that we can eat in time for sahur..teaches me a lot about my future career: FULL-TIME WOMAN.hehe.

Life without eating, amazingly works for me. I actually got more time to spend on doing things when mealtimes have been taken out of the schedule. As it's highly recommended to recite the Quran in the month of the revelation of the noble Quran to Nabi Muhammad s.a.w., a lot of useful activities have been planned for us, as in my friends and I. The kinds of activities might be typical to some, like tadarus and hafazan, but the point of doing the activities this time has made all the difference, especially for me. I realise how some people are very active in doing ibadah in Ramadhan but are not as passionate in other months. That begs the question, are we the slaves of Ramadhan or the slave of Rabb?

Realising that, doing ibadah in Ramadhan this time has more or less become some kind of a platform for us to shape the desired habit of being a full time muslimah. Talking about the bia'h, there's no van mayat whatsoever to arrest those who don't fast. People eat everywhere, and they don't even care. Most probably it is out of innocence but anyways, the only source of feeling the Ramadhan-ness is at the surau where every muslim student, regardless of race and nationality will meet, break fast and pray together.Just muslims socialising in the way of Allah.. I call that partying, the Islamic way =)

That has been going on for 17 nights and what we've shared so far is something beyond happiness. Until last night, when I looked up to the black and grey sky, only to see the glowing full moon, and I thought, days after, it will get smaller, and then vanishes. Without all the Raya sale, kuih raya sample and TV aidilfitri advertisements, the experience of fasting here is indeed new, yet so familiar to the believing heart and soul.

The glowing full moon of Ramadhan shines its way right through my heart. A melancholy of a memorable moment of bliss.
Ramadhan...
Somehow I wish you could stay longer...

Getting married!

2008-08-27T02:13:00.000-07:00

Sorry if I have just made your heart jump. No, there's no wedding invitation...not that i'm trying to imply there's one. But it's been quite sometime since my last post, so I was just playing with that element of surprise.hehe.Life's been tough lately..so forgive me.
Hm, this post is something that I thought would make a good sharing for you, readers. It was posted on friendster bulletin so I guess there should be no issues with copyright..hopefully. Whatever it is, the message of the story seems to be answering many of the doubts I have regarding marriage..yes..pretty hot topic, I suppose. Never fails to interest me..I guess it's the intimacy vs isolation stage I'm currently nestling in.hehe. Ok, let's not procrastinate. To the main topic..

Bersedia Sebelum Kahwin

Majlis akad nikah itu baru sahaja usai. Saya dan beberapa orang sahabat masih menikmati minuman ringan yang disediakan oleh pihak tuan rumah. Tiba-tiba seorang lelaki tua yang memang saya kenali menarik tangan saya dan berrtanya, "Kenapa orang sekarang kahwin lambat sangat?" Saya lantas bertanya, "Tuk dulu kahwin cepat?"

"Umur 15 tahun, nenek kau dah dapat anak seorang..." Terbayang anak perempuan saya yang menuntut di tingkatan 5 sekarang.

Sukar nak membayangkan betapalah di usia itu dia sudah mempunyai anak.

"Bahagia Tuk?"

"Tak bahagia apa... anak Tuk 12 orang!"

Terhibur saya berbual dengannya, semuanya diukur dengan angka.

"Saya berkahwin pada umur 21 tahun. Waktu tu masih menuntut lagi, orang heboh saya tak sabar," adu saya tanpa dipinta. Sengaja mengundang

reaksi.

"Tak sabar? Pelik, kalau zaman Tuk, tu kira terlajak dah tu!"

"Betulkah saya tak sabar, Tuk? " tanya saya semacam mengusik.

"Eh, taklah. Kalau nak buat baik, eloklah cepat. Selamat dari maksiat.

Kalau betul tak sabar, Tuk ni lagilah tak sabar... umur 17 tahun dah kahwin, heh, heh, heh..."

"Setuju tak Tuk kalau dikatakan soal kahwin ni bukan soal cepat lambat, tapi soal dah bersedia atau tidak?"

"Setuju. Tapi kena hurailah maksud persediaan tu..." tajam Tuk membalas.

"Kalau ikut pandangan Tuk, apa agak-agaknya persediaan tu?"

"Soal ni tak boleh agak-agak... Mesti tepat."

Terkedu saya dibuatnya. Tuk ni bukan sebarang orang.

"Maksud bersedia bukan sahaja dari segi umur... Asal akil baligh dah boleh kahwin. Bukan sahaja diukur oleh badan yang sihat, pendapatan yang

cukup, tapi yang penting kematangan diri... Ertinya, seseorang yang nak kahwin mesti dah mula dapat berfikir dengan baik, dah boleh sedikit

sebanyak kawal perasaan, dan jiwa tu sikit-sikit dah agak tenang."

Saya menung panjang. Tertikam di sudut hati petanyaan, sudahkah saya

matang sewaktu mula berkahwin dahulu?

"Jangan menung... Tuk cuma kata, dah sedikit sebanyak matang. Tak payah tunggu matang betul... nanti tak kahwin pula!" usik Tuk seperti dapat membaca fikiran saya. Walau tanpa ijazah, Tuk sebenarnya sedang menjelaskan asas kebahagiaan rumah tangga yang kadang kala tidak dapat ditimba di mana-mana menara gading.

"Macam mana nak matang?" tanya saya perlahan. Malu rasanya untuk diajukan soalan sedemikian di usia 40-an ini. Terasa terlambat!

"Tentulah dengan ilmu. Dulu Tuk dan kawan-kawan... umur sebelas tahun dah khatam Quran. Dah selesai belajar ilmu fardu ain. Rukun, sah, batal dan lain-lain ilmu asas dah OK. Bila sudah baligh buka kitab Muhimmah, baik lelaki, baik perempuan. Dah diterangkan tanggung jawab suami, isteri dan asas-asas kerukunan rumah tangga."

"Itu sahaja? Ilmu lain?" soal saya pendek.

"Eh, perlu. Mesti ada ilmu untuk cari rezeki. Yang otak baik, jadilah guru, pegawai kerajaan... ikut keadaan zaman tulah. Tuk ni tak nasib baik... kerja kampung sahaja, guna tulang empat kerat, buka tanah.

Itulah dusun yang Tuk kutip hasilnya sampai sekarang ni..."

"Tapi sekarang Tuk dah senang. Dengarnya dah dua kali naik haji."

"Tak senang. Tapi mudah-mudahan... tenang. Tulah doa Tuk, biar hidup kita tenang."

"Agaknya sebab kurang matang nilah orang sekarang kahwin lambat?" cuit saya, kembali ke tajuk asal.

"Ni agak Tuklah. Budak sekarang tak macam dulu. Mereka ni macam lambat matang. Kalau dulu umur 13 dah boleh pikul tugas. Dah berdikari, dah boleh harap jaga emak bapak. Setakat jadi imam dan baca berzanji tu lancar... tapi sekarang lain, umur dah 23 tahun pun masih bergantung kepada emak bapak. Nak jadi imam? Jauh sekali."

Terbayang kekesalan di wajahnya. Dia menyambung, "Sekali tu Tuk tengok betul-betul dengan mata kepala ni macam mana seorang bakal pengantin tersekat-sekat mengucap kalimah syahadah depan tuk kadhi. Bila tanya rukun sembahyang, geleng kepala. Yang dihafalnya rukun nikah saja..."

"Kalau macam tu macam mana?"

"Baik tak usah kahwin. Macam mana dia nak pimpin isteri dan anak-anaknya nanti? Tu baru ilmu yang paling asas, belum lagi ilmu... apa orang

kata... ... parenting skill."

"Tuk pun tahu parenting skill?"

"Sekarang ni macam-macam sumber ilmu ada. Di radio, tv, ceramah, buku-buku... ah, macam-macam."

"Tapi Tuk, kalau tak kahwin pun susah juga... Nanti terjebak dengan maksiat," kilas saya.

"Tulah, ajaran Islam ni macam mata rantai. Lepas satu disambung satu.

Bermula dengan yang paling utama, diikuti yang kedua, ketiga dan seterusnya... Ilmu tauhid, fekah dan akhlak perlu diasak di awal usia.

Diiring ilmu akademik. Jadi, bila dah nak kahwin nanti, ilmu tu semua dah ada. Persediaan agama ada, persediaan material ada."

"Macam mana kalau ada yang lambat-lambatkan kahwin kerana katanya belum bersedia, dari segi material dan agama?"

"Apapun biarlah berpada-pada. Kalau nak diikutkan ilmu agama... sampai mati pun tak akan habis dituntut. Cukuplah sekadar keperluan dulu dan tambah lagi selepas kahwin. Begitu juga soal material, soal kerja, profesion... Ni pun tak akan habis-habis. Ukurlah ikut keperluan dan kemampuan diri. Jangan sampai terlanjut usia sudahlah. Jangan nanti ilmu ada, matang ada, duit ada, calon pulak tak ada..."

"Tuk lihat macam mana keadaan anak muda masa kini?" terluncur soalan yang berbau akademik tanpa saya sedari.

"Akibat tak ikut tertib dalam menghayati ajaran Islam, keadaan jadi agak lintang-pukang sekarang. Yang berkat jadi mudarat. Tak dikahwinkan, membuat maksiat. Bila dikahwinkan, tak bertanggungjawab."

"Antara dua keadaan ni... yang mana patut kita pilih?"

"Perlukah kita buat pilihan? Pada Tuk... pilihlah keadaan yang tidak memaksa kita membuat pilihan!"

Saya terdiam. Kagum. Kata-kata tersirat itu boleh mengundang seribu wacana para sarjana!

With that, I shall leave you thinking about Tuk's words about choosing to be in a situation which you do not have to choose between two extreme choices. And just like me, you will end up discovering that there's more to marriage than what meets the eye. And with that comes the awareness; to take some time to reflect and think deeply before admitting to be ready for marriage..while what we are only capable of doing is to savour the honey-coated, 'paddle pop' part of it.
To pertain that excellence of baitul muslim, I pray for a good muslimah in me.
I ask for the unquenchable thirst for 'ilm as it is only knowledge that will untie the blindfold of jahiliyyah..may Allah help me to become good muslimah as He has promised,

"Vile women are for vile men, and vile men for vile women. Good women are for good men, and good men for good women; such are innocent of that which people say: For them is pardon and a bountiful provision." (An-nur:26).

So please..
Please Allah...
please make me a good woman.

Amin.

Picture Perfect

2008-08-11T14:22:00.000-07:00

When camera was still an item of luxury, I think almost everyone was typified by a still pose and a plastered smile:the convention of 'say cheese'..
and now that having a digital camera is a complementary gadget alongside mobile phone and laptop, people got even more creative than ever...as for me, i realize that i've been getting more concerned with the quality of the pics. Not only about my pictures, but also others. Whether we realize it or not, when it comes to friendster-ing, for instance, the photo albums seem to become some kind of a summary of that someone's personality, lifestyle etc. Looking at photos is just as fun as watching the whole episodes of that person's life..Browsing through the albums, some pictures make me smile, laugh, feel sad and melt!..not to mention, make me go 'erk?!'..
So everyone seemed to be in the craze..Fussing over the angle, the lighting, the shadow, the unique pose and the list goes on..the pursuit of beauty and perfection..
Now.., the notions of beauty and perfection..I think I have no reasons to NOT look beautiful (or at least try to) in every single pixel of my picture..I mean, who does? Then it's getting more obvious to me that how beautiful we are or the object is captured determines the level of sense of perfection towards a picture. I don't have in-depth knowledge whatsoever to give professional views on this matter but isn't beauty subjective? and so is perfection. But when we submit ourselves to the subjectivity, there's an inevitable tendency to equate beauty to perfection. Until one day, while I was subconsciously having that equation in mind, someone pointed out to me the verses that inspired this whole post;

"Who has created the seven heavens one above another, you can see no fault in the creation of the Most Gracious. Then look again, "Can you see any rifts?" Then look again and yet again, your sight will return to you in a state of humiliation and worn out." 67:3-4

The 'seven heavens' or in the Malay tafsir it is referred to as the skies. In the above verses, Allah asks us to look for flaws in His creation. He asks us to keep looking at His skies, and He as the khaliq, already knows we will not be able to find any...and to keep on searching will only injure our own self-dignity..
Despite, it makes me reflect upon the beauty and perfection; two undoubtable qualities of nature, more specifically the sky. Here, in Brisbane..the sky is always blue..yet, even without the cotton white clouds..just the azure blue sky is more than beautiful..and when it's getting darker, I think it never occurs to most of us that purple and orange could go together, until He shows us the panoramic sunset He made..subhanallah..

But what's with the sky? It's just plain yet so spacious that makes you awe with curiosity, looking at the horizon where the earth's surface and the sky seems to finally meet..apparently, there's nothing striking about it. Just ordinary looking, nothing so elaborated..yet flawless, and therefore PERFECT.

Perfect enough to teach us;
what's beautiful is not necessarily perfect, but what's perfect is simply beautiful.

Photographed by maira, edited by Sarah

Taubat Seorang Hamba

2008-08-05T17:28:00.000-07:00

Taubat Seorang Hamba Feat. Hafiz (ex-UNIC) - Irsyadee

(Part Hafiz)
Hati hiba mengenangkan dosa2 yg ku lakukan,
Oh Tuhan Maha Kuasa,
Terima taubat hamba berdosa...

(Part Irsyadee)
Ku akui kelemahan diri,
Ku insafi kekurangan ini,
Ku kesali kejahilan ini,
Terimalah 3x.....
Taubatku ini.....

(Part Irsyadee)
Telah aku merasakan derita jiwa dan perasaan,
Kerana hilang dari jalan menuju redhaMu ya Tuhan.

(Part Irsyadee)
Ku akui kelemahan ini,
Ku insafi kekurangan ini,
Ku kesali kejahilan ini,
Terimalah 3x...
Taubatku ini...

(Part Hafiz)
Di hamparan ini ku meminta moga taubatku diterima...

(Part Irsyadee)
Ku akui kelemahan ini,
Ku insafi kekurangan ini,
Ku kesali kejahilan ini,
Terimalah 3x....
Taubatku ini...

(Part Hafiz)
Ku akui kelemahan ini,
Ku insafi kekurangan ini,
Ku kesali kejahilan ini,
Terimalah 3x..
Taubatku ini...

Hijrah Menuju Allah

2008-08-05T13:59:00.000-07:00

Bulat nian tekadmu
Dalan hijrahmu itu
Allah nanti kan bersama
Tempuh jalan yang di-Redhai

Hijrahmu menuju Allah
Ia sunnah para nabi
Para Solihin dan muttaqin
Kembara hati menuju Ilahi

Andai rasa diri lemah
Di perjalanan hijrahmu
Sendirian tiada mampu
Mohonlah pada Tuhanmu

Hijrah ini memang susah
Hijrah ini memang payah
Hijrah ini menuju Allah
Di hujungnya hasanah

Taken from http://www.senikata.com/lirik-lagu-nasyid/devotees/hijrah-menuju-allah.html

These words have been a great company this lately..especially in the times where doubts and fear try almost make me succumb to the pressure and temptation of jahiliyyah. and then I remember His words..

Faint not nor grieve, for ye will overcome them if ye are (indeed) believers.
3: 139

And it became my favourite verse since then. May all the trials make me nothing but strong, and failure keeps me humble and human. And Allah, please keep me going.
Amin.

Jika Hari Ini

2008-07-29T13:50:00.000-07:00

JIKA HARI INI........

Seorang Perdana Menteri berkuasa,

Seorang Raja menaiki takhta,

Seorang Presiden sebuah negara,

Seorang Ulama' yang mulia,

Seorang Peguam yang menang bicara,

Seorang Penulis terkemuka ,

Siapa saja menjadi dewasa ,

Sejarahnya dimulai oleh,

Seorang GURU biasa,

Dengan lembut sabarnya ,

Mengajar tulis-baca.

TETAPI!

JIKA HARI INI..

Seorang Menteri hilang punca,

Seorang wartawan berlawan kata,

Seorang peguam memutar belitkan fakta,

Seorang jurutera binaannya tersungkur di depan mata,

Seorang saintis menemui viagra,

Seorang akauntan melesapkan harta negara,

Seorang usahawan pengedar dadah berbahaya,

Seorang pendidik gagap berbicara,

Seorang graduan malas bekerja,

Seorang imam dibicara,

Seorang suami perompak berwibawa,

Seorang isteri pelacur kelas pertama,

Semua orang bermaharajalela,

Sejarahnya pula dimulakan oleh siapa?

Thought-provoking.
Nerve-racking.
What do you think?

Retrieved July 30, 2008, from http://www.maxis.communities.com.my/sites/sksgpenchala/index.cfm?h=page&a=KARYA

The Gifted Fervour

2008-07-28T18:43:00.000-07:00

I remembered waking up so happily every morning of Monday-friday just to be in school where I got to gather with my friends and greet my beloved teachers. The teachers, regardless of how fierce or irrationally strict they were, were the great persons that I looked up to with respect, and I still could not forget the feeling of satisfaction whenever I was asked to help them to get or carry the piles of exercise books and files to the staff room. And later I found out what accounted for my unaccountable satisfaction was their grateful look and thankful tap on my shoulder for lending them a hand. Just simple gestures, yet simply rewarding.

I was a student who thinks that learning is so intriguing. The enthusiasm and commitment that I put into my school work are something that my mum is always proud of telling about to my younger siblings. I was so passionate and more than ready to participate in school's activities, and had such a bloomed character that when the school made me the Assistant Head Prefect, I could not help but question why I should assist when I am eligible to lead? Now don't misjudge that 12-year-old young lady for arrogance..because as far as I could remember, it was a pure sense of justice. Little that I knew about gender and power.

But the highlight here is the spirit I used to have as a child.Because when moving into secondary school, nothing much is left for me to happily share about. Just a typical school girl; afraid to admit how proud she is to be helping her teachers, how fun learning is or how much she enjoys understanding new things so that she will not have to wear the label 'baik' or 'skema'..Now..have I regretted for being typical? I wasn't really sure about that..

Until I got into tertiary education, pursuing dreams in education. I met one of my teachers during School Based Experience in TTDI (not far from my primary school, SK SG Penchala, Damansara). She is now married with three children. What struck me wasn't really the unexpectedness of the reunion, but the same feeling of excitement I used to feel as a primary school student. I was trained by her, my BM teacher, her name is Cikgu Rabiah, to perform for merdeka day celebration in school. For weeks, I ate my lunch quickly during recess and rushed to see her in the staff room and practised my syair. During weekends, I went to her 'rumah bujang' and after practising, she would normally invite me to stay for tea. In her class, I remembered being really active, not to mention talkative. Probably because I read many books in Bahasa Melayu when I was small, so I grew up loving it so much .

Days passed, and came the day of the event. I think my performance was an ordinary one, but probably was more than satisfactory for an 8-year-old girl. As I was stepping down the stage after performing my syair, I heard people clapping and cheering..my cheeks were red..blushing. At the last step, my cheeks got even hotter when Cikgu Rabiah hugged and kissed me for what I did on stage. Then I saw a gleam of happiness in her eyes. I guess it must be really meaningful to her.

But not long after that, she left the school and started teaching somewhere I did not remember. I got into a boarding school and heard nothing about her. More sadly, no teachers since her have hugged and kissed me. Or more precisely, I have grown up becoming someone who has not made any teachers cry from happiness for having a student that eases the burden of teaching by making the challenge of educating worth enduring.

Considering that I had been cheeky (as the nickname suggests) and doubtful in secondary school, I probably had forgotten Cikgu Rabiah; ignoring how I had captured her heart with my intense enjoyment in learning and willingness to do what it takes to achieve something beyond expectation. But she, on the other hand, remembers me and never forgets me. And she knew that she would not fail to always do so... the moment she named her first child after my name.

I felt so honoured to hear that from her, and the memories flashed into my mind as vividly as though it was only yesterday that I was practising in front of her, and being easily motivated by her nod and smile of approval.
Speechless, I was.
But knowing that, I could not help but missing the person I used to be...and wondering,

could the gifted fervour; childhood enthusiasm, be rediscovered?

childhood dreams came true

2008-07-22T20:45:00.000-07:00

A spot of red in the snow

"Dear God, I never thought white could be as pure and pristine until I saw the snow You made the other day. Especially the way it contrasted with everything around it. I think that was cool."

Snow...I have always dreamed of playing with it..feeling its softness..and even eating it! Allah must have heard me praying n dreaming that He granted me with those moments I had in Mount Buller, Victoria. I felt like a child again; easily thrilled by the most effortless thing that snow can be; COLD =p

Me and my three housemates: sarah, choc n nora, were sharing money (and sizes) to rent the equipment for ski, snowboard and toboggan..and I mentioned sizes because we had to squeeze our feet into two pairs of boots.No joke there. It was no less fun, though. We took turns playing and falling before I declared tobogganing to be the most entertaining. All it needed was the skill of SITTING.hehe..and as compared to skiing and snowboarding, I found myself to be highly skilled in it.Yeah, go toboggan! =)

~HuHu~

Other than playing, we discovered each other's artistic touch in our very own version of snowman. It was 15 minutes or less to closing time and we were supposed to gather and take the shuttle bus to go down the hill. We, instead, took the risk of being left behind and went to get some snow in our hands, and crafted them into unidentified shapes before stacking the smaller ones onto the bigger. The result...a Snowbride! Well, due to the factors mentioned above, the big so-called-round-shaped ball had been bigger than planned, thus turning Mr. Snowman's body into a bride's gown. I thought it was a perfect, white gown...wasn't it?

Here comes the bride...all dressed in white (our snowbride)

Despite the fun, I also suffered from coldness and numbness. It was way colder than i imagine. The orang putih in the movies made snow to be seemed as feathery soft and cottony light, which is obviously strikingly different to reality..or had I been media-illiterate? It was also scary for me, especially when Sarah told me about how exposure to extreme coldness can cause frostbite; some kind of injuries to body parts such as nose, fingers etc. Scary, rite?! For several times, I sucked my fingers to keep them warm. Can't imagine if they are amputated..how am I supposed to wear my diamond? hehe..

Well, the snow story was just a little part of my wonderful, life-changing experience in Victoria..The others, I just found it hard to write about. They are so beautiful that I fear trying to picture it in words might belittle its own beauty. In effort to content myself, the most I could say about my winter trip this year is that, it is the best winter ever, in which I found warmth in the arms of caring sisters. We gather, we unite...and we have shared so many remarkable things to finally realize that we have a sister in each other.

To be continued... =)

Goldcourse not Gold Coast

2008-06-26T17:32:00.000-07:00

Goldcourse hotel

Last nite, when i was cooking for dinner, syefah asked me about Goldcourse hotel..not gold coast, and surprisingly i felt so sedey+sebak+kerinduan yg teramat..Goldcourse Hotel might seem to be a weird choice of place to gain working experience, especially for an aspiring teacher like me.. i mean while most people in my batch looked for jobs in malls, bookstores, fast food restaurants and tuition centres, i was fated to find my job in this hotel. It was just a less than two-month experience, yet it was a life-changing one.

I got to know about this hotel from my younger brother, Adam, and I ended up working there was also because of him. I was just accompanying him to look for part time jobs in the hotel. He has friends who work there as waiters so he thought he wanted to try his luck there, just trying make extra money during school holidays.It so happened that they didn't have jobs for school students anymore. But! The HR officer offered me instead to fill in one vacancy in the Housekeeping department..at that time i got the picture of me, dressed like a maid, serving towels and soaps to the guests..hm..interesting, i thought.so i was interviewed by the boss who seemed to be kind of surprised when i told him i was actually flying to aussie in the next few months. He then continued the interview in English, we chatted, and guess what? He liked me..oooh! (",) i like u too, boss!hehe

So he took me to work in the linen section, to take care of the workers' uniforms and answer phone calls. Sound convenient..i mean how hard can those things be?I found the answer to that the first day i worked.haha..i practically squatted in the toilet to wash towels, which they refused to send to laundry service coz those towels were so clean that they might be stained by other clothings.urgh! at 3pm, i would push a big, yellow trolley to each of the guest room floors and collect their linens: bedsheets, pillowcases, bedspread, blankets, towels..i found towels to be the most annoying.they were nice when they were fresh and clean, but when it's time to collect them, they became darn heavy, wet and stinky. i wondered whether those people were actually using the towels for drying themselves or the bathroom floor..after piles and piles of linens were collected, they had to be separated into their sizes. While doing that i was supposed to count them and then record. But being inexperienced, i lost count for several times. At first i was being Betty and started counting again, but then i was so menyampah and and continued crapping anyway.Turned out that i triggered conflicts between linen section and laundry service since our count wasn't tally with theirs..hehe..sorry people =p

Other than the tough contacts with cotton, i also had contacts with people. People that I would have never imagined to make friends with. By the time I stop working, I realize that I have international friends from Vietnam and Nepal..it was so cute to try and listen to them who have very limited proficiency in English..
akak..bleh kasi saya towel cantek tak akak? ni ada kitsi-kitsi ni..tolong ar akak.. i think what they meant was clean towels..which only "sikit-sikit' left..haha..But the nice thing about the vietnam girls was that..they always complimented me..hehe..they told me, akak ni cantek..then i pon blushing la..haha..wait..does that mean i'm pretty or clean?God knows..
and for the Nepali guys, i think they were sweet. Once i was eating at the mamak in front of the hotel for breakfast, came this one nepali security guard. I smiled at him and we ended up having breakfast together. he spoke quite good english, and a gentleman as well..he paid for my tosei and teh tarik..sweet aite..but when i told my mom she asked me to be careful, in case that guy was just looking for a Malaysian wife..and there goes the record scratching sound..

I enjoyed working there, as much as I treasured bonds that were built with people of all walks of life. Those foreign workers, especially, have had my new lens of looking at them. learning that 1 hour of sweating is equivalent to rm 2.50 to 3.50, i learnt the hard way to appreciate the value of money and the honour of job, even if it is just a linen collector =)

back in tkc...

2008-06-17T07:48:00.000-07:00

being a baby blogger i was wandering around reading ppl's blogs..well tiku's got me..something she got from a bulletin makes me think of school days..

1 Wht section were you?

::i wasn't playing for school's band, so this question doesn't concern me i think.

2 Who were your seatmates?

:: shayz, sallerk, shidah and be'ton..surviving listeners of my traditional and nasyid songs..hehe

3 Still remember your english teacher?

::of course la..hm, pn norlia, miss irene, just to name a few =p

4 What was your first class?

:: 1 c..not c as in corot or anything k..it's T K C N S..so i was in Ting. 1 C

5 Who was your first love then?

:: no first love...but i love flirting with dianne..just for the fun of it =p

6 Made friends to the lower years?

:: yeah..my alan, nanad, aak, uchu, aussie, n cs- fahrahin.

7 Had a boyfriend/girlfriend?

:: nah..PriDe KeePeR!! haha

8 How was your class schedule?

:: PaCkEd!! 715am-130pm (school hours), prep hours till around 5pm, play something for about an hour, dinner then prep again till 1030pm..get some supper and 1130pm-lights off...

9 Made any enemies?

::being girls, we have to bicker sometimes..so there's quite a number but they were temporary..i couldn't even remember..

10 Who was your favorite teacher?

:: hm that's hard since u only want one..so amongst others i name pn norlia..she kind of inspired me to do TESL cause she shared about her experience a lot in class..so learning wasn't so much of a bore..

11 What sport did you play?

:: running..to the dining hall =p
haha..i once played hockey..bt stopped when i was in form 3 or 2..not sure..one thing for sure, i quitted coz merajuk ngan en. amir..he told me to jg makan??? that's like telling ppl to stop breathing..sorry, exaggerate lak..hehe

12 Did you buy your lunch?

:: i actually had two lunches..yep..i ate twice at noon..actually one is more of brunch la..11am at the canteen- nasi goreng+ikan hensem+teh o ais (kalau lapar gell order milo ais), then after class 130pm at the dining hall..favourite meal-sambal sosej!! hehe..hai en. amir!

13 Were you a party animal?

:: nope..i wasn't.

14 Were you well known in your school?

:: if everyone was paying attention to the announcement made by encik ahmad during the last assembly on a mournful morning of the last day of school in 2003..YES!

15 SKIP CLASSES?

:: i was such a SkiPPeR! did i smell pride..haha

16 Did you get suspended/expelled?

:: no..i survived a number of crimes without being expelled..

17 Can you sing the School song?

::uhuh..do u want me to do it with soprano? i love to stand out from others when singing the school song..so i added some vibrato at the high pitches..spectacular!

18 What was your favorite subject?

:: frankly? pendidikan agama islam..i know i was really cheeky at times but learning about agama made me see light..hehe

19 What was your school's full name?

:: Kolej Tunku Kurshiah

20 Did you go to the dances?

:: err..no

21 Where did you go most often during breaks?

:: ader duit, canteen-usual cat fish hunting, if feel like saving then dining hall..they served good kuih sometimes..glad that not many knew..hehe

22 If you could go back in time and do it all over, would you?

:: no, had enuff already..

23 What do you remember most about 4th year?

:: the good one: konsert amal for one of the seremban's old folk's home..it's worth of bearing with pn lina and her pursuit of perfection, and the most painful: rooftop..

24 Worst memory in 4th year?

:: losing 3 important posts in college..well, i learnt the hard way =) hm..miss my days in college..i was a cheeky devil, who then got a lil' lesson for life..those years back in tkc, were filled with the beauty of friendship and laughters of happiness..though there were also tears and pain, i believe they make my years there worth living..and to look back at them from where i stand now, i can proudly say that they were not wasted =)

2008-06-16T19:09:00.000-07:00

Perjalanan sunyi yang kutempuh sendiri

Dalam pekat malam
bintang terbit tapi hilang
dek awan kelabu datang menyerang.

Tinggal aku seorang
melawan sepi yang datang.
(anonymous, n.d.)

I found these words from my friend's ym message..thought they are really meaningful..when i read them it just felt so true..hitting me right in my sore heart..a heart that misses family, friends and even foes..from the day i arrived at this land of foreigners, i was only thinking of home..i went to trips, visiting new places and capturing great pictures of scenic views..yet i could hardly find meanings to attach to them..there goes my photos with forced smiles plastered on my face..happiness only lasted for seconds..then it felt empty again..

i thought of my family..trying to sort of share what i feel..yet i just couldn't cry when i talk to my parents..it's this typical, traditional, malay stuff that stops me from blurting everything out from my mouth..plus i am the first child..i'm used to making my younger siblings cry..hehe..but me..crying?i didn't even cry at the airport..crying..that's soo not me..at least not to my family..weird but bear with me please..the only time i cried was to my dad..that was last two years when i lost my handbag at kl sentral's surau..and that was on the phone k..i cried coz i knew i was to be blamed..everyone has some part of foolishness in themselves rite..mine actually showed when i left my handbag behind me when i was praying..haha..well, i learned the hard way about..i donno..a desperate, needy muslim?

anyways, i call my parents every week only to report on Australia's weather, its racism, then my diet, spending habit and aerobic sessions.. i also sent cakes for mother's day and father's day..in some ways..it helped make me feel connected to the world but not much..there're still times it felt like a quarter-life crisis..

then..after a few sessions of crying and self-counseling..i figured out that i actually felt friendless..no offense guys..u guys are great friends, it's just that i yg sengal..as in i have people surrounding me but i felt jadedly lonely..then i recalled my past..oh my..so many things had happened..i lost precious things and guess what i did to them? nothing...surreal isn't it? painful as it is, i have to admit that i was being not so wise..probably this emptiness is something that i have to endure for what my ignorance has caused to the world..that jadedness is for denying guilt, fighting the wanting to forgive and forget, and the most truthful, for not admitting how i miss having them in my life..them as in friends that care and love me but stumble in a fragment of life..and have me punishing them for that..

it's been a blame game..firing up flame that actually drags these tragedies up to this day..yet i'm not up for more drama..i just want to live life, treasuring everything Allah has granted me with, and that includes friends (yes, this is what i have for my 'about me' in friendster)..i might not do that successfully, considering how much hurt i had caused..but how long can a human with a heart for love and companionship stay intransigent..friends as humans, they make mistakes, they change..be it for better or for worse, i shouldn't have turned my backs on them..coz i make mistakes too, and to talk about change..only God knows how i have made changes in myself..not focusing on the physique k.. =p

but that's the thing about friendship..i have been wondering about this glass analogy of it..u know they say, and i used to sort of believe in friendship as some kind of glass..u get to see and be yourself through it but once it's broken..it's not gonna be the same again..u can mend the broken pieces of it but the cracks will stay visible..haunt u some more..u know, from the cracks u have many reflections staring at u instead of one..hm, u think?

i choose not to care, regardless of some truth in it..if i were to stick to that, i will have to stay lugubrious and gloomy like there's no tomorrow..i wanna live..and enjoy life by sharing with people that i have so much love for..sharing adds meaning to everything, it makes something memorable..i just want to stop hating..and blaming..the fact that Allah has made me feel extremely lonely is a miracle in itself..i have come to realize that i have so many flaws to even point my finger to others..and those that i was pointing at were and hopefully are the ones who stick with me..the unpredictable me..being chicky, nurul or saqinah, i have so much to be criticised..sometimes being such a sweetie, friendly and huggable me, makes others laugh like nobody's business..sometimes i screw things up with my snappish remarks, i throw tantrums like an overgrown baby,crying breathlessly..yet these people remain with me, despite feeling annoyed and miffed at me..

for staying with me, i thank u and pray that may Allah be with u..i write as a start to sharing..sure will find more courageous ways to do that..as for now, forgive me for my imperfect being..may this incompleteness draw us closer and make us stay together..forever =)